| ChrisJohnson | Date: Saturday, 2011/07/16, 1:55 AM | Message # 1 |
 Jobber
Group: Champion
Messages: 28
Status: Offline
| RUTH CHRIS STEAKHOUSE
-We open at a table in a private section of the lush "Ruth Chris Steakhouse". Seated at the booth, casually dressed but still in designer threads, sits Scarlett Valentine, Jackson Cage, Jason Ingle and of course, the man of the hour Chris Johnson. The food has just arrived to the table, four of the chef's choice T-Bone steaks, crusted with bleu cheese, along with several ten dollar per plate side dishes, but no one, save for Chris Johnson is touching anything on the table. CJ, with his classic smirk is digging in to the sides, scooping portions and plopping them down onto his dinner plate, as the camera pans, a look of bewilderment can be seen on the faces of his three companions. CJ slowly slides his steak knife through the medium rare slab of deliciousness, and slides a cut softly between his lips, all the while smiling and chewing slowly and deliberately-
CJ: Man, I love this place...no matter how many times you come here, and no matter where in the country you're at, every bite melts in your mouth like butter, it's amazing!
-No one at the table utters a word, they simply continue looking at him inquisitively-
CJ: nom nom nom (chewing sounds)
-Scarlett mouth slowly drops in disbelief, Cage shakes his head in confusion, and Jason Ingle, well he's had enough-
Ingle: Alright man, I think I speak for us all when I say, what in the HELL is wrong with you right now?
-CJ pauses, mid bite, his fork still held inches from his lips. He slowly chews the last bit of steak in his mouth before swallowing hard-
CJ: You're sitting there, letting a seventy dollar steak, sitting on a five hundred degree plate get cold, and you have the NERVE to ask what the hell is wrong with ME? What the hell is wrong with YOU? And you (Pointing at Jackson and then Scarlett with his fork) and you! What the hell is wrong with you guys?
-They all look on, a tad bit taken a back by his question, Scarlett and Cage look at each other, then back at Ingle who promptly looks back at CJ-
Ingle: What the hell is wrong with US? Nothing is wrong with us, other then the fact that you're scaring the shit out of everybody at the table, besides yourself.
-CJ looks at the three, flabbergasted-
CJ: I'm scaring you? You're scaring ME!
-Scarlett and Cage again glance at each other and then back at Ingle
Ingle: Uhhhh, EXCUSE ME? How the hell are we scaring you? You're the one that's acting weird as hell!
-CJ drops his fork which makes a clinking sound as it lands on his plate and slides around a bit-
CJ: I'm acting weird? I'M ACTING WEIRD? Excuse me buddy, I bring you guys out to our favorite restaurant to celebrate, and I'm the only one eating, and I'M ACTING WEIRD?!
-All three mutter "Celebrate" at the same time-
CJ: Yes, celebrate! Eh, duh..
Ingle: Um, ok, maybe I missed something, but, you do know you LOST the Underground Championship, right?
CJ: Hmm, let's see, I lost twenty pounds in three seconds, yea...I kinda fucking noticed that dip shit.
Ingle: Hmmm, ok.....ok....sooo, what the fuck are we CELEBRATING? Cuz at this point, I don't think I follow!
Cage: Yea man, me either.
Scarlett: Yea, what's there to celebrate?
-CJ takes a sip of his wine and wipes his mouth with the napkin tucked into his shirt-
CJ: Ugh, seriously? Do I have to spell out EVERYTHING for you guys? We're celebrating to success. We're celebrating the execution of our master plan!
Ingle: Which included losing the Underground title?
CJ: (mocking) "which included losing the underground title? Wah wah wah"..NO! It obviously didn't include losing the underground title, cock-knob. But it DID include, coming into the EWA and making a fucking impact. In the few short weeks that we've been here, we've done just that. The A-List brand has shot right to the top of the organization. And once more, we're already main eventing, and not only that, we're coming out victorious.
Ingle: Ohhhh.....
CJ: Come on man, don't you guys get it? Don't you see? When Shatter Point ended, people weren't talking about Chris Johnson losing the Underground Title. Everyone was talking about me using Black Jesus, which by the way is an oxy moron because Jesus was white! Sorry Jackson!
-Cage looks at CJ-
Cage: OLIVE SKIN...HE HAD, OLIVE SKIN! White people don't have olive skin man! That mutha fucka was black! Come on man, do we HAVE to do this again?
CJ: No, we don't, Jesus was clearly white, MOVING ON! People were talking about Chris Johnson using Fake Jesus' skull to kick an extra point, and standing on Crimson Blaze's chest for the victory. Once again, even in minor defeat, Chris Johnson, and the A-List brand comes out on top. No one fucking knows who Waylon Krews is! And frankly no one gives a shit. Just like no one gave a shit about the Underground title before me, they will go BACK to not giving a shit about the Underground title without me. That's fact. But what people care about guys, what people want to see EVERY WEEK, is US...they want to see what Chris Johnson is going to do next, who's he going to beat, who's he going to embarrass. That punt kick to BJ, was the punt kick heard 'round the world. Months from now, when I plant my foot squarely on Justin Marsham's chest, the world will be talking about the moment that the first shot rang out. The moment we put the entire "upper echelon" of the fed on notice. Boys....and lady, we made a HUGE statement this past week, it was a MOMENTOUS occasion, and it definitely calls for a celebration.
Ingle: Hmm, it's all starting to make sense.
CJ: Of course it is, I'm always a few steps ahead, but once I allow you to catch up, the vision becomes, CLEAR.
Cage: Yes, yes..it all makes sense, and thank GOD, because I'm hungry as FUCK and this steak looks SO good!
CJ: Eat up my friend, all of you, eat up. Enjoy this, but don't get complacent because trust me when I tell you, the best is yet to come. This is only the tip of the iceberg for us, it's high time the EWA brass stops pretending they don't notice the fucking steam engine headed their way. And trust me, when we collide, I fully intend to kick them right off their fucking high horses.
Cage: GOT DAMN THIS STEAK IS GOOD!
CJ: Dammit Jackson, are you guys even listening to me?
-At this point it seems CJ has partly lost the attention of his apparently starved compadre's, who have finally dug into the assortment of items laid out in front of them on their table. CJ motions to the waiter who promptly approaches the table-
Waiter: Yes sir?
CJ: Hey, I'll have another of those raspberry-pomegrante Ciroc lemonade's, but double the vodka in this one, the last one was weak-sauce baby!
Waiter: Of course sir, I'll be right back.
CJ: This is why you guys never get it, every time I get to the good shit, you stop listening, dammit!
-A few moments pass before the waiter returns with CJ's drink-
Waiter: Here you are sir, Extra strong Raspberry-pomegrante Ciroc lemonade, enjoy.
CJ: I sure will thank you! Now there's a guy that fuckin listens, I wonder if he has any experience being an agent to the stars, a position might be opening up soon!
-CJ looks over at Ingle, who's too busy stuffing his face with sweet potato casserole to notice the sly comment-
CJ: Useless!
-Just as CJ is set to resume enjoying his meal, several camera's with "TMZ" logos come approaching his table-
Reporter: Chris, it's Mark Humphrey here from TMZ man, wondering if we can get a quick word from the FORMER Underground champion!
-CJ downs his drink, but before he can respond, the manager has approached the table and is attempting to escort the man from the table-
Manager: I'm really sorry Mr. Johnson, we really don't allow this sort of thing at our establishment, we'll have this man and his crew removed immediately!
CJ: No no, it's fine, trust me. I'm itching to speak to the viewing public. Ok Mark Humphrey, you got questions, I've got answers, shoot!
-The manager reluctantly releases his grip on the man's jacket. Humphrey's adjusts himself and gives a half assed smile to the manager in return, before refocusing his attention on CJ-
Humphrey: Well, first off, thank you. Second, what are your thoughts on Waylon Krews?
CJ: Who? No one gives a shit about Waylon fuckin Krews! Neexxtt!
Humphrey: Well, he is the guy that took your title, a title you proudly laid claim as being it's "Greatest champion of all time". He interrupted your "Celebration" and ended your title reign.
CJ: I was there Mark, what's your point?
Humphrey: Well, don't you think you should, kinda get pay back?
CJ: Mark Mark Mark, guys like Waylon, they don't need "pay back". There's nothing left for me to do, that life hasn't already done to Waylon Krews. Guys like "Weed Wackin" Waylon, they exist to show the world exactly how far off they are, from guys like ME.
Humphrey: What do you mean?
CJ: Follow me Mark, follow me. The Underground title, that was a mere STEPPING stone for Chris Johnson. You know why I won that title from El Pablo?
Humphrey: Why?
CJ: Because I could Mark, because I could! Because I wanted to show the world, that I could come in, my first night in a new organization, and defeat one of it's most "prized" employees. And not only defeat him, I could take his little title too. And to think, that night was aallll about guys like, THRAX making their debut! And Xavier Reid begging for a contract. That is, until Chris Johnson came in, and made an immediate fucking impact. I came in and showed the world exactly what my intentions were. That I'm planning on taking your legends, lining them up, and then knocking them the fuck down. One, by one. Mark let me ask YOU a question, cool?
Humphrey: Uhhh, sure?
CJ: How many chances have guys like Thrax, El Pablo, and Crimson Blaze had to win titles since I've been in the fed?
Humphrey: I uhhh...I-
CJ: SEVERAL MARK, The answer is...SEVERAL. I laid waste to Thrax in seconds. I've dealt out multiple asswhoopings to both El Pablo AND Crimson Blaze, hell I punt kicked the number one contender in his fucking temple, and you know something Mark?
Humphrey: Wha-
CJ: I haven't gotten a single title shot SINCE! I mean, think about it? You put all the new guys in a battle royal to see who's going to win a briefcase with an automatic bid at the International title? Nick Alexander gets in the match, hell he debuts in it. Cassandra AVERY gets in the match. Christ, Ruthless Agression gets in the fucking match. And lord almighty, THRAX? A guy who I had just literally stood over a week before, gets in the fucking match. But Chris Johnson doesn't? Why you ask? Because The EWA is afraid, afraid that hell, This guy MIGHT just win every title we have in a two month span, get bored and leave.
Humphrey: I-
CJ: I know, I know, you don't believe me. Ok, So they decide, yea Nick owns the briefcase, but let's put three OTHER people in a number one contenders match, to face a guy who's still in a FUCKING WHEEL CHAIR. And does CJ get an invite? NO! Three people that ALREADY lost the fucking chance to fight for the International title, get yet ANOTHER shot to shit the fucking bed. And then on top of that, I get Nick fucking Alexander, "Mr. I used to be something five fucking years ago in a Fed that doesn't fucking matter anymore"...trying to use MY name to generate some fucking heat? My how the mighty have fuckin fallen. Nick Alexander, the former FIVE time, blah blah-fucking-blah. Goes from being one of the most feared guys in wrestling. To wrestling WOMEN every fucking week on Shatter Point. Nick Alexander is jerking curtains and wrestling in the PISS BREAK MATCHES! Nick Alexander is facing off against people like Madison, Ruthless Aggression, and Cassandra Avery??? Nick Alexander should trade that fucking contract in for a shot at the Woman's championship, because he's nothing more than a glorified DIVA at this point! Sickening Mark, sickening.
Humphrey: It is bu-
CJ: Still don't believe me? Ok, Print this, Nick Alexander, if you think you can beat me, if you think we're still the same guys from four years ago, you put your little title shot contract on the line, and you face me. Come on, you answer fucking meaningless challenges against guys like THRAX who haven't won a match in two months. Answer this Nicky boy, show the world who the REAL star is, who the REAL former CEW great is, because right now, it's looking like this guy, Chris Fucking Johnson!
Humphrey: Well, if I can get a word in really quickly.
CJ: Of course you can Marky Mark!
Humphrey: Speaking of CEW, any comments or responses to Ryan Shane's latest promo against you? He called you ALL a bunch of CEW refugees an-
CJ: HA! Picture Chris Johnson being a refugee. First of all, I hated CEW, so lets just get that straight. I hated the way Nick Alexander could take a CHAIR UP HIS ASS, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOT DAMN RING, and still be considered a champion, when I got held down by Aaron Crabill and his gay obsession with power and greed. I didn't come to this shit hole fed, to represent a former shit hole fed, I came here for ME, and MY brand. So FUCK CEW. But with that being said. Seriously? Ryan Shane? The big bad wolf of the CZW? Ya know, when I go through airports, on my way to my first class flights, I often get stopped by shitty, snot nosed fans, with their stupid CZW shirts on. And their stupid eyeliner and goth clothes, and I get told the same shit every time.
"Oh Chris, you're lucky you haven't faced a real CZW guy, you're lucky you're stuck stepping over bottom of the barrel guys like Mike King and Crimson Blaze. If you ever got in the ring with Ryan Shane, he'd eat you a live, it'd be a match for the ages. He's your equal, he is the STRAIGHT EDGED CURSE"
CJ: Ooooohhhh, Mark, I was almost shaking in my boots.....ALMOST. Until I saw, what turned out to be, without a shadow of a fucking doubt, one of the most PATHETIC, horrible, worthless excuses for a promo I've ever seen in my fucking life, from, perhaps the ONLY guy who, so far has proven to be a bigger got damn fag than Mike King. And that was that train wreck of a promo by Ryan Fucking Shane! Seriously? This guy is sitting in a dark room, with his mascara running, scribbling in his fucking DIARY, about some high school crush he has on Ronnie fucking Mcniell? WHO? WHAT? This guy is serious? I mean what in the FUCK is up with these CZW douche bags and their emo, cross dressing obsession? Was this some sort of cross-dressing fag promotion or something? I mean, SERIOUSLY? After seeing Shane's promo, I realize why guys like Mike King consider themselves former legends. Congrats Shane on being the best out of a group of degenerate society rejects who spend all their time being "fashionably" emo. From now on, claiming to be the best of the CZW, is equivalent to celebrating winning a gold medal at the special fucking Olympics. Whoopty fucking do, yea technically you're a gold medalist, but everyone knows if you stepped into a legit race, with a guy with two legs, you'd get smoked.
Humphrey: Wow, that's not the least bit offensi-
CJ: I really don't give a shit man. I'm tired of it, ever since I stepped into this place, all I keep hearing about is how great the CZW USED to be, and how I wasn't welcomed here. Now I see, if Ryan Shane and Black Jesus are the best that place had to offer, just why that place fucking shut down. The one guy I can halfway respect, is Justin Marsham. And incidently, and not CO-INCIDENTLY, Ryan Shane is his fucking lap-dog! You know what that's called where I'm from?
Humphrey: What?
CJ: If you can't beat em, join em! You'd never catch me, aligning myself with the world champion, not unless I'm lining up to stab him in his fucking back. That guy is supposed to be public enemy number fucking one. And you wanna run behind him, carrying his fucking jockstrap? Pathetic? And only one thing could POSSIBLY BE MORE PATHETIC THAN THAT!
Humphrey: Uhh wha-
CJ: Running around with make-believe titles because you're too afraid to stand on the OPPOSITE END of the ring with the real Champ! The Innovative title? REALLY? Get the fuck outta here! So we've got a Devon Dudley rip off as the Underground Champion, a Paraplegic Redneck who's probably never been out the country as the International champion, two retards who can't speak english as the tag champions, and now we have Ryan Shane as the Emo world champion? Give me a fucking break! And then this guy has the NERVE to say he's a fan of mine? Please, Shane, cut that out, it's actually kind've embarrassing to know, that guys like YOU, think you can even SPAR with guys like me! I'm sorry, but black nail polish doesn't go good with any of my Armani suits shane. My thousand dollar Oakley's are allergic to cheap Revlon eyeliner. And quite frankly, thanks but no thanks on the man-crush, Cuz unlike you, I love pussy and tit-juice! But theennn, you know what this fuck says?
Humphrey: I'm sure you're about to tel-
CJ: This guy says, he's going to feed me to his brain-child. Which is the make believe title, which I'm sure he's going to beg Franklin Manning to some how instate into the actual fed. BUT, here's the kicker...the fucker doesn't even put that piece of shit title on the line against me! Sure I don't want it, it's nothing more than an expensive paper weight, and it's a meaningless title around the waist of a meaningless wrestler who's holding on to the Superior God-like image he had in an INFERIOR fed, but still...he wont put it on the line against me, and you know why? Because Ryan Shane knows I'd end his fucking gimmick title run before it even got off the ground if this was a "title" match. But it's not, because, to his credit, Ryan Shane is smarter then he looks. Guys like Shane, they know their fucking lane. They know when to bark, and they know when to bite. And can you blame him? He is living in Justin Marsham's shadow after all. And let's be honest, Mr "Epitomy of Technical Finesse"...Mr "Game Changer" is starting off his world title reign like a lame fucking duck. There's nothing game changing about defending the world title against inferior talent. WWE used to do that shit on RAW all the time in the earlier attitude era to get the champ over. This isn't anything new, give a title shot to a dimwit like Crimson Blaze, who in his stupid, face painted, juggalo mind, actually thinks he stands half a chance to win the damn match. A Travesty is what it is, Perhaps Marsham should take a page out of his lap dogs book and try something truly "Innovative" because this bullshit he's pulling is NOT "Must see TV". Chris Johnson is "Must see TV"...
Humphrey: I-
CJ: Ryan Shane, you got one thing right buddy, I am a star, only...I'm not that star you see flickering, waaayyy off in the distance on a clear, cloudless night. No no, I'm the star you see in the day time, the one that looks like it's so close you can reach out and touch it. In this EWA Solar System Ryan, I'm the son, and this world revolves around me, I'm not burning out any time soon. So you strap up those fancy plastic patten leather boots you got from hot topic, you bring your prettiest Maybeline mascara, and your bright, sparkly glitter nail polish, and you meet me at Shatter Point, and let the world watch, as the savior of the CZW reputation, crumbles at my fucking FEET.
Humphrey: Wel-
CJ: No more questions Marky Mark...no more questions!
-Mark kinda stands there befuddled, Ingle, Cage and Scarlett are all looking at Chris with their mouths agape, no one says a word as he downs his wine glass and stands up from the table-
CJ: I told you the best was yet to come, one day you guys will learn to trust me.
-CJ flashes his trademark smirk at his friends who are still in shock. He throws five hundred dollars on the table, collects himself, slides on his shades and leaves the establishment as all who were in ear shot of his shoot just kinda stare in awe of what just happened-
Fin...
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